Some poems I wrote,

At the end of a long day

When my mind is tired

It says goodbye

Wants to shut down

And feel empty

Floats like a fish in the endless water

With every bubble

Release my guilt

And let the waves wash away my sins.

Guilty

I feel the weight, I feel the pain.
Its foreign to me,
I don't know what to do.
get rid of it please,
pleads my inner voice.
I wounded the others heart
and tore mine apart.
I wish, I feel free
remove myself of these binds.
Let me accept, I am guilty.

Doing what you like is freedom, Liking what you do is happiness.

Doing what you like is freedom, Liking what you do is happiness.

What I like? What is my interests,passions? These questions I find very difficult to answer in words. I have many interests, I like many things and I like to do many things. Just because I like doing something doesn't mean I will pursue or do something with the liking. I do it for the happiness.

Many a times I take up a project, take a work but halfway I loose my interest. Is this wrong? I feel guilty and dissapointed when I leave a work undone. I can accept myself. I know I failed and it is part of my learning.

When I take up a topic to learn about, I don't go mad into the topic. I don't go talking about it 24 hours or digging as deep as I want. Why is this, Is it because I don't have the burning need.
There are sooooo many topics to explore in this world. I like touching upon these topics and then leaving them. Then coming back to the topic when I need it. This way I have the exposure.

I am aware of the different possibilities but I don't want to do it.  Many topics I know but I do not learn because I don't want to right now. When I am cooking, I know I can use ratio but I don't use it. I don't feel the need but I know there is something called ratio and I can go it.

Who said that I need to learn maths now, I can learn when I need it.Whoever said all me learning should be done within a certain age.
Maths is only one area in the hundreds of areas I can work on. just because i am not doing maths or science doesn't mean I am not doing something.

When I do what I like and what I want I feel free and confident. I feel happy.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop
----- Confucius

My Health

Food and Nutrition

Do you Eat to Live or Live to Eat ?

In 4th std I was taught about balance diet. My teacher taught me a lot about food and nutrition. For some reason that lesson has stayed with me. Even thought I know about food and nutrition , I did not bring change in my diet.

 For the past few weeks I have brought out change in my food schedule and diet, thanks to my mother. I am eating more fruits and raw vegetables. My meals are more balanced. 

I am also enjoyed exploring different ingredients, grains and trying new recipes. I even learnt to cook few dishes.The whole experience of understanding food is nice.  I am more aware of the food I am eating and I am liking the taste of healthy food.

In April, 8 months ago I decided to stop drinking Coke and other fizzy soft drinks. This is something my teacher in 4th std had told me to do. I don't know if it is affecting my body, I see no changes in me but I feel nice. I feel good about myself. I am able to control whenever people around me drink and I do not feel pity for myself.

Yoga

I did yoga everyday in the morning this week ( four days). I did it after my parents questioned my lack of physical exercise. I have been exposed to yoga long back and even remember my mother forcing me to do yoga everyday when I was young. It dint last long and I never was able to push my exercise session more few days. I think exercise is very difficult and not at all fun. I am fine without without exercise.

This week I have decided to do Yoga everyday. I am determined and optimistic to keep this exercise plan alive for a long time. Only if I do everyday, I will see changes in my body. 

To do this I changed my way of looking at exercise. I know I am doing it to care for my body and take care of my health. I even enjoyed doing yoga in the morning. While doing it i felt connected to my body. 

Every Tuesday I do fitness training for one hour. It is very fun and enriching. I have learnt a lot about my body and fitness. We do aerobics and I really enjoy doing dance. 

On Tuesday I did fitness training and the next day I woke up with thigh pain. This made me realize my body is not fine without exercise. My body need me to do exercise. Only if i take care I will be fine.

How all I learn

I learn everyday. How all do I learn. I learn by many different ways.

Internet
I signed up for a newsletter that gives me tips about gardening weekly.
Reflection
Daily reflection is helpful. this blog itself was a result of a reflection and discussion.
People - Learning
Praveen Uncle took a 1hr Fitness training session and i learned about my body. I really enjoyed doing fitness exercises.
Asking Feedback
I take feedback for my blogs.
Experience
I experienced groundnut harvesting.
Visiting Places
I visited a farm and looked around and learned some stuff about gardening.
Failure
I tried making sweet corn soup but I failed and I know what mistakes I made.
Debating
I debated on 10th exam, whether  it is important or not and I got clarity on my decisions and few insights

Some of the other ways are
Doing it in different ways, 
Exploring, Let go, Reading, Books, Talking, Discussing, Teaching, Sharing, Helping, People - Listening, 
People - Asking, People - Working, 
Being with it, Practice, Visualize, Videos, Observing,Questioning,Doing,Experiments

Groundnut Harvesting

I went to a farm, I volunteered to help in the groundnut harvesting.
I worked for 5 hours, I plucked the groundnuts from the plant.
When working in the farm, I realized how much hard work farmers do.
I eat leisurely daily. For just the peanuts in my food a lot of work is done.
My hands started to hurt by the end of the work.
The work was monotonous and after a while it got difficult.
The people working around were working very hard.
It was a different experience. I enjoyed

Self Images

I reflected on Images I have about myself and how they affect me?

What happens when I make a mistake?
I know making mistakes in fine, everyone makes them. When I make a mistake, I don't accept it. I try to justify it or blame on someone. Sometimes i even blame it on a in-animated object. I want to own up my mistakes and accept them. I am working with awareness.

What happens when I compare myself with others?
Do I consider myself beautiful?
I think this Image has formed when I compare myself with others. This Image is not helping me.

Do I think science is difficult and I don't know science?
I get frustrated easily when I am doing science experiment. I am working of making a electrical circuit. I have very limited knowledge and soon i got frustrated as my circuit was not working.

Do I think the same for maths?
I find maths difficult.

I think I am a responsible person, what happens when I am not responsible or I don't want to be responsible, do I push myself to live up to the image?
I push myself to live up to my Image of myself. Being responsible is a positive thing and so pushing myself to live up to the image is benefiting myself.

Do I have a image that I am very caring towards pets?
This is a positive image. I think at times it constrains me and pushes me to live up to the image. I think its a good thing.

Does acceptance of ability means not moving ahead?
In sports I accepted that I have low stamina and I am not good in sports. After accepting I pushed myself to run more.

Does some images make me doubt myself, make me nervous and not confident?
I doubt myself when I cook. I have a image that I don't know how to cook. When cooking I am apprehensive.

Getting up late is wrong?
When I wake up late, later than others I feel guilty and dissapointed with myself.  I feel its wrong.

How my images affect my dreams and fears?
I have a image that I am not good at interacting with others and connecting with people, therefore it affects my dreams. 

Dig For Gold

If I was told that there is treasure buried in my backyard. I would dig for the treasure. While digging I would find mud, stone, organic matter, insects. I would also find murk, maybe a decaying animal or a decaying shoe. 

There are two ways to look at this story.

1. Every person has treasure in them. If I let the person's weakness or mistakes come in my way, distract me, make me look at the weakness instead of the strengths then i would not find the treasure. If I let the murk and decaying matter come in my way, if I don't throw it aside, I will stray away from digging for the treasure. I will not get treasure. I look at others and myself as treasure, I throw aside the the murk and look for the treasure.

( The story and thought my father told, the above is my interpretation of it)

2. If I was told I would find lots of gold in my backyard then I would focus on the gold and ignore the mud, stone, organic matter and insects I find. To me the mud is the gold. Mud supports my whole life and it is treasure. The same way If I look only for a perfect being or what I want in the other person, I will ignore all the gold that already exists in the person.

I want to dig for gold in people around me. Acknowledge the gold they possess and gain from their treasure. Learn from them. I want to throw away all the murk and decaying matter.

The murk and decaying matter decays and turns into organic matter and mud. It turns into treasure. The compost is treasure for plants and plants are treasure for me.

If I decay my weaknesses and change them, they will turn into compost, Into treasure. 

Others weaknesses can also change. I can give feedback but not let the murk come in my way of looking at the gold. Giving feedback is adding dry leaves to the compost pit but giving instructions is adding water in the compost pit (bad for compost)!

Let me dig for Gold!

A Sea Shell

A sea shell is a beautiful thing. I always feel amazed when I see a sea shell. I have compared myself with a sea shell, a sea shell that has a white pearl in it  and the shell is colorful and beautiful ( I know oyster gives pearls but this is my imagination).

When I wake up late in the morning my days starts of bumpy like the edges of the shell. I am unable to do what I have planned and I feel dissapointed in myself.
I was close minded like a closed sea shell when i had to accept my peers behavior. I let " others behavior disturb my inner peace".
After doing my morning chores and cleaning everything. i feel satisfied. My work looks like the shiny surface of the sea shell.
I enjoyed playing the piano. while playing the piano and teaching my peers i felt like the pearl in the shell. I felt precious and unique.
After playing a energetic sports I feel myself radiating happiness like a shining pearl in the shell.

Sometimes when I work,  I achieve only one thing or I just get one things like every shell has only one pearl. They don't achieve many pearls like i dint achieve many pearls in maths
A sea shell has a clear goal, The Pearl, but I don't have a centric goal like the sea shell. My goals are like how the shell lets the water around it carry it with the flow.
"Which Gender is more complicated", I debated with my peers on this topic. The debate was very interesting. A sea shell has two shells but both are equal. Only when both are together they can close the pearl and protect it . Like that male and female are two shells. They both are same. Neither is more complicated. Both are equal but each are different.

Team work

Working in teams is quite fun.

When I played team games, the synergy that game brought out when we played was really nice. I could feel happiness in the air when we were playing all together. I could see how I could play with all ages of children and I was able to co-operate with all.

Trust

What is trusting your team members? I think it means trusting that your team member is capable of doing the task. Your team member will ask when they need help. When I told myself this, I wasn't checking on my team members and I felt more confident on the task. I knew I had to just play my role and together everything will happen.

Commitment

I felt that commitment came quite naturally to me and my team members when all were willing to do the task.

Contribution

When I planned and strategize, I saw to that all team members were able contribute to the task.

Utilization of strengths 

Utilization of strengths came naturally but i did not consciously work on using my team members strengths. 

Debate

I explored debate, I really enjoyed debating. I categorized my thoughts on the topic in Fact, Opinion and Judgement. I saw that debating has a lot to do with listening to your team members and the opponent team members. To understand their thoughts and to work together to conclude the topic. The topics that I debated with my peers was quite interesting for me. We debated " whether the punishment of death is fair ". I am also excited to debate on " which gender is more complicated " next week.

Kitchen Gardening - Growing Chilies

13th Oct 2014
I felt the earth on my feet, my hands felt the stones,mud and grass. I felt connected to the earth below my feet. I felt connected to the soil that keeps me alive. I was growing chilly.
I felt as thought the chilly seeds i was going to plant were babies, and i was preparing and nurturing the soil. I was making the soil ready to embrace the chilly seeds.
I really enjoyed preparing the chilly bed and then planting the seeds. I felt fresh to wake up in the morning. after working i felt a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. I liked using my hands as a tool to work in the land.
When I planted the chilly seeds, I felt very happy. I talked with each chilly seed. While planting I couldn't help but feel optimistic about the future.
I could imagine the bed full of chilly plants. I could see myself harvesting lots of chilies. I saw the kitchen using the chilies from the garden and not having to buy any chilies from the market. a huge grin was spread across my face. I am excited to grow with the chilies, to grow different variety of chilies. Even thought I am not a fan of chilies.

30th Oct 2014
The chilly have sprouted. I am soooooooooooooo happy :). The small green leaves on the ground look so beautiful. To another it not be beautiful but to a me sprouting plant is the most beautiful i have seen.

                

Full grown chilly patch. Cultivating chilies and chiles and chilies

Music Week

From 6th Oct to 10th Oct I explored music with musicians and my peers.This is about my experience and learning in the week.

I've listened to Kabir music before but I wasn't able to relate to the music. I dint understand the meaning and i used to get bored when I went for concerts with my parents. When Deepa Aunty came ot campus , I connected with Kabir music and bhagans for the first time. When I understood the meaning of the bhagan, the philosophy struck me. I really enjoyed signing the kabir bhagans. The music caught me.

I always have enjoyed playing percussion instruments. I played various instruments and I enjoyed feeling the rhythm. I think my sense of catching rhythm improved.I played basic rhytms but as I played along with others, it was joyful.

The chanting that I did daily was peaceful. I felt nice to feel peace within me.

I listened to the violin play. I felt mesmerized with the music of the violin.I tried playing the violin it was difficult. They.They were other interesting instruments. I loved the Ocean drum. The motion and sound of the drum was very beautiful.

I listened to a lecture on classical music. I felt bored and couldn't relate to the music.

I saw a movie on tribal music around the world. The movie was new and nice.The name of the movie was “Latrom drom”

Overall this week i listen to new music . I enjoyed music and appreciated it. I dint learn anything Quantitative but the experience of listening to new music was a learning.The song of the week was “Matkar Maya ko enkhar”, A kabir's bhagan. The rhythm and tune is beautiful. I would like to take the experience of new music ahead in my life.

Does god exist?

Does God Exist ?

I have been surrounded by the concept of god all my life. I questioned the belief of god and decided I do not believe in god. I am a atheist. I accept people who believe in god (theist) but I do not agree with the concept. 

I explored the subject of philosophy. I saw videos on different topics of philosophy. The videos had very different and new vocabulary. Many videos I did not completely understand and couldn't create sense out of it.

 I saw a video on belief of god. It was an argument in favor that god doesn't exist. The video was interesting, I got a new perspective on my belief doesn't exist. 

Yet I found an counter argument and I am left with the thought, does god exist or not.
 I have not changed my belief but I am pondering over it. I found the video interesting and new to see it 
presented in an argument form.

 I guess some questions are meant to be open ended and have no right answer.