Dear Bella

On 6th june 2016, bella passed away. She had been our loving and loyal pet dog for the past 3 yrs at O-campus.

This is a letter to her.

My loving, Darling Bella,

I have just started learning to drive. This poem is metaphorically about your death.

Behind the wheel, wind in the face

Music playing, all iz well.

Unexpectedly it appears

No one sees, no one cares.

It too late now, brakes don't help.

The car jumps over the bump

Chaos in the car...

O my dear, i left a piece of my heart

In the bump behind over there.

Your death was like that speed breaker on the road. It happened so unexpectedly. No one had seen it coming resulting in chaos in our hearts.

My heart aches when I think of the loss. When i think of you, I think of all the beautiful memories that we created together.

I remember seeing you for the first time at the animal shelter, you fitting right in my lap on the car ride home. You as a young puppy enjoying your days, learning to bark, fighting and playing. Your belly swelling up after u finished eating ur food:)

You came along with Smiley and Pepper. You three were my first pet dogs. I found deep connection with u and u were part of our Aarohi family

We lost smiley after around one year. For some reason, losing her was gradual so it was easier for me to accept.And maybe I still have hope in my heart that she is alive and healthy and happy wherever she is. I lost u unexpectedly. Now pepper is left alone. I wonder how he feels. Everytime I see him, I search for you bella. I promise you bella, I will take care of pepper while u r gone..

Bella you taught me to be loving, to be gentle and friendly to everyone. Doesn't matter if the person is a stranger, big or small.

You taught me that when u meet a loved one u have been separated from for a long time(or short) embrace them with full love.

You taught me not to judge people based on their behaviour, just because behaviour is bad that doesn't make the person bad and that all relationships don't work out. (We lost smiley because you and smiley had a bad relationship. You used to treat smiley very badly and eventually u drove smiley out.)

You taught me to listen to everyone but when u want something smile and go ahead with ur way.

You taught me many more things and I thank u for being part in shaping my teenage days...

Your death was yet another reminder for me that death is natural,  it's part of the cycle. You once again reinforced the fact that change is the only thing permanent in life. While driving our car on the road, speed bumps will come. Also even though you're driving your own life, the road also plays a role in shaping your car ride. Death is part of life. Any death doesn't do much to the person died because she or he is gone, but the people around, attached to him suffer.

I miss u bella, I miss u sooo much. I will always remember u. I am sure Pepper misses you a lot too.

Bella u were loved by a lot of people and everyone griefed your death in their own ways and we will always miss u.

“Even though I know you are in a better place but i still wish i could see your face. I know you are where you need to be, even though you are not here with me. I miss you, i miss your smile and i still shed a tear every once in awhile. Even though it's different now, you are still here somehow. And i need you to know I miss you. “    

My experience of cycle yatra

Cycle yatra

I went for a six day cycle yatra, 17 of us went without money,food or gadgets on cycles

My intention was to Reconnect with myself,nature,swaraj community and outside community.

It was a beautiful, intense and amazing cycle yatra. I feel it is impossible for me to express what all i experienced in words. So many things happened, so many little things i saw which taught me ­something, which showed me something.

Two strong feelings I came back with

Have faith the universe will take care of you.

Have faith in destiny, what has to happen will happen.

I started with fears and worries, with lots of uncertainty. Yet i was excited and eager to do this journey.

My fears:-

• No money! how will we get food?
• Okay we will create relationships with people, What!!! what if that doesn't happen?
• Cycle yatra in winter. Oh my god, how will I manage
• I don't have that much physical stamina to do this yatra
• what if someone gets hurt, or someone harms us

and the list goes on...All the safety nets gone, i decided to surrender, to go with the flow...

My experience with different constraints

No money

I did not feel need for money in the entire journey.I also felt free of tension of  money, free from the fear that someone will take my money.

No Gadget.

I did not miss my phone even once. There is so much time do, talk, think and enjoy. I also loved the way as a group we co-ordinate with each other and stayed together without phone. When traveling(cycling) we waited for each other. In the village we visited each other to make sure everyone is okay. It was simply profound how these constraints brought out humanity and togetherness in our group.

No watch

I forgot to worry about “what time is it ? “.Even if i wanted to know the time , I let go. I also realized I am terrible at knowing time without watch. I have no connection with the sun, shadow,moon or stars in relation with time. I enjoyed slowness and going with the flow. Another thing is I was unable to estimate kilometers and distance, I also enjoyed not knowing how many kilometers we covered or how far we need to go or where we are going, where is our destination.

No food

As paba village was economically poor, we did not have the heart to ask for breakfast. So on the 6th day we all left without eating anything. By noon everyone were in a bad shape. Having cycled so much and having no food. I had almost no energy to move on. We reached Naya kheda bus stand and our destination Shikshantar was still 15-20 km away. Thirsty and hungry, few shopkeepers offered us tea and kachori. It was almost a life saving incident.

No food made me experience

The fact that food is in Abundance, there is no scarcity.

The feeling of extreme hunger and true hunger.

The love with which food was offered to us, it was a truly warm feeling. How wonderfully people supported us with food

The feeling of how blessed we are to get 3 meals a day without any effort

Somewhere the scarcity and greediness of food still exists but i know another side of it too, a different perspective.

I think the same goes for water. The abundance of water was amazing. How nowhere we ran out of water. How everyone offered us water and food. How not even on one day did we fall asleep hungry or without shelter.

Hunger is the best pickle

Every single meal and food i ate was extremely tasty. It was the fact that I was really hungry, I had earned that meal, I saw value in the food i was getting, i understood the amount of work gone behind the food and of course the food itself was so simple,tasty,organic,chula cooked and given to me with so much of love and with a pure heart.

Being the culture of rajasthan, the food was extremely spicy, yet I ate with no complains, i wasn’t not even complaining inside me even if it was a little challenging for me to eat. I saw how all the choosiness for food was gone from me and how i was able to value the food.

Even the food pattern was new, The villagers food schedule was different, they had only 2 meals a day morning and evening. This was a challenge for me, it was a different pattern and yet during the yatra I did not feel the need to complain about it, even though I used to get hungry at lunch time.

Of course the sweet and watery tea  is memorable and at the peak of hunger it tasted like nectar.

No cosmetics , personal care products.

I brushed only once in the whole cycle yatra( with neem stick). I did not have a bath or apply any sort of cosmetic.I did not use comb or soap.. For the six days it was fine not to brush/bath...by the way it was completely my choice not to do so.

But the journey gave me a insight on my dependability on these things and a boost to move ahead in my journey of natural alternatives to personal care products.

No using constructed toilet

Going to the toilet out in the open was out of comfort zone but i was fine. I got a new light on need for toilets...But i still find comfort in using toilets and closed bathrooms. I did not bath because i was uncomfortable to bath in the open.

Other constraints were, we had not taken any first aid kit with us, fortunately nothing serious happened and the minor injuries were taken care of easily.

We carried a basic cycle repair kit but we were not prepared for a tyre bursting or a pedal breaking..Anyway we had a lot of cycle problems and thanks to S.P,Norphel and Ajat bhaiya for religiously working on keeping our cycles in shape and for doing lots of jugadabilty to get things done. When the tyre bursted we requested a cycle shop for a new tyre,he said the tyre costed Rs 130 and he cannot help us, the neighbouring shopkeeper helped us by collecting little little money from different shopkeepers and getting us a new tyre. Many cycle bhaiyas and other people supported us in repairing our cycles and making sure our yatra doesn't stop anywhere.

I unleashed a super power, a stamina and courage in me, which i did not know i had. I was amazed with my own physical stamina, with the amount of work I did and the uphill climbing/cycling i did.

I am also amazed by my capacity to stretch myself and adapt to new situations and constraints.

What is cycle yatra and why

As a learning journey as part of the Swaraj program, The k6 batch along with 3 facilitators decided to go for a six day cycle yatra.

The cycle yatra is a journey you embark to reclaim your lives. The major concept is to journey through the villages without mobile,money or food. Stop at villages along the route and create relationships with people, find work to earn you boarding and lodging.

While each individual will learn and experience something unique from this journey. As a group we had some thoughts and objectives.

• To surrender ourselves to the universe, Have faith in the universe and its people. To gain back the trust in our people and the nature. Reconnect with gift culture
• To rediscover the concept of money and strong dependability on it.
• To connect with the rural India and take a peek in the village life and probably rediscover concepts we have lost by living in the “developed society”
• To appreciate the beauty of villages, local knowledge and nature.
• Do some physical exercise :)
• To experience slowness
• Spend some time with ourselves and reflect.
• Connect with the Swaraj community(K6 batch) on a different level.

Also as a group we agreed on our constraints for the journey.

• No money or monetary transactions
• No gadgets
• No food and we will earn our food. Avoid processed food.
• No watch and we will avoid asking “what time it is” and see if we can find out time in another way
• No using constructed toilets. Experience going in the open
• No first aid kit. How can we heal ourselves without conventional methods?
• No cosmetics or personal care products. Use natural things
• we will carry only basic cycle repair kit, rest we will see...
• We will be learners seeking to learn, not as teachers.
• and rest whatever the journey unfolds for us.

I carried only one extra pair of clothes, torch, water bottle, towel, sweater, socks,a warm cap and sleeping bag. I also carried sacks to spread and sleep on.

I found it amazing how smoothly my six days went with such minimum things.