Socio - Emotional Responses

My understanding on what is Socio - emotional responses : It is an ability to express in a social environment. It is how I respond in emotional situations and when my needs are not met. I have awareness of my responses to others . I respond appropriately and with sensitivity. I settle any issue that I have with the concerned person and not talk about person to someone else. I use vocabulary to communicate discomfort with others. It is needed to have harmony. It is not controlling my emotions or not listening to others responses. The response can be verbal or through actions

I am at the awareness level. I am aware of the different responses I give. Usually the awareness comes after I have responded. Sometimes the awareness of my responses come after some time. At many situations my response is insensitive and inappropriate. I feel guilty after I respond badly.

The next stage for me is to become aware of my responses before I respond. Also I want to use more diverse vocabulary when expressing.

I want to be aware of responses because I want to be able to express myself in a way that the other person is not hurt by my expression. Being aware of my responses is helping me to understand myself. I am becoming aware of the images and expectations I have for the other person.
I want to respond appropriately to have harmony in the community.

I am not exhibiting instant change in my responses, but I am aware and I am reflecting on them. I feel more connected to myself with the awareness.

I also want to accept myself when I respond insensitively.  I should not put down myself when I express badly but I should work on responding appropriately.

At lot of situations I am more aware of my responses when I am outside my home. I loose control of my consciousness at home.

The journey to explore socio - emotional responses and understand myself is quite interesting.

Maths and me

Maths was never my favourite subject in school. I used to struggle in school to cope up . I used to memorise the procedure to solve the problems.  I lacked conceptual understanding. I was unable to connect maths to my day to day life.
When I started Home Schooling, I did maths through NCRT books, the book brought some fun in maths. When I did maths along with my dad, maths started making more sense to me.

Overall my beliefs on maths is
Maths is Tough.
I not mathematically intelligent
I am terrible at maths.
These beliefs result in me having low confidence in maths.
I get scared and blocked up when a maths problem is thrown on me.
Due to hatred towards maths, I do not work much on maths, I try to avoid doing maths.

Now I have started doing maths everyday for one hour. I take up a topic, read about it in textbook, do practice sums, connect to real life. I ask my peers to check my sums. When I don't understand I take help. Once I feel confident in one topic, I move on to the next topic.
Currently I am working on volume. I connected to real life, by measuring volume of a bowl and glass. also volume of a water tank at my home.

My objective is to get friendly with maths, get confident in maths, learn and practice the basic mathematical concepts i need to know for my day to day life.

Due to doing maths everyday, I am feeling good about myself.
I thank my Mother and Father for pushing me to do maths and supporting me to learn maths.
I am very happy that I am being open to maths now and working on breaking my own beliefs.

Writing skill assessment

If I assess myself on my writing, on the blogs I have written till now. I have come to conclusion that my speed of writing and comprehension is 8/10 but when it comes to writing a lot (more than 1 parahas) I am 4/10. I need to work on style,grammar, spelling, punctuation and usage of vocabulary.

Discipline and problems

I was part of the discipline committee at campus this week . The journey of helping the community in discipline was different for me. I don't know if I was able to help others but I definitely helped myself.

On day 1 I was very excited. I was of the mind set I have to solve all the community's problem. I started solving problems by giving my gyan. I told people what I thought is right.
It had been decided that the committee will operate through ' no images ' and empowering. I did not quite understand that and that's why the first day went down hill.
When I was in the discipline committee I felt responsible and important. I felt nice to contribute to the community.
If x has hit y, I instantly think that what x did was wrong. When I interact with them, My images anout the two people come with me. Before I listen to them i have decided who was wrong and who was right.
If I want to be neutral to x and y, I need to put aside my image of those people. I don't need to scold x for hitting, I don't need to put my personal opinion into it. I can empower y to take care of self.
I am not responsible for anyone problems. It is not my role to solve others problems. It is not even my role to help that person. It is my role to empower that person to be able to solve their own problems. Listening and acknowledging the person is important.
What about me - to solve my problems I can start looking inside me rather than depending on others to help me.
I can start looking at my problems as learning opportunities rather than troubles.
By being in the discipline committee, I have got a new perspective to look at my problems, a new way to support others.

Some poems I wrote,

At the end of a long day

When my mind is tired

It says goodbye

Wants to shut down

And feel empty

Floats like a fish in the endless water

With every bubble

Release my guilt

And let the waves wash away my sins.

Guilty

I feel the weight, I feel the pain.
Its foreign to me,
I don't know what to do.
get rid of it please,
pleads my inner voice.
I wounded the others heart
and tore mine apart.
I wish, I feel free
remove myself of these binds.
Let me accept, I am guilty.

Doing what you like is freedom, Liking what you do is happiness.

Doing what you like is freedom, Liking what you do is happiness.

What I like? What is my interests,passions? These questions I find very difficult to answer in words. I have many interests, I like many things and I like to do many things. Just because I like doing something doesn't mean I will pursue or do something with the liking. I do it for the happiness.

Many a times I take up a project, take a work but halfway I loose my interest. Is this wrong? I feel guilty and dissapointed when I leave a work undone. I can accept myself. I know I failed and it is part of my learning.

When I take up a topic to learn about, I don't go mad into the topic. I don't go talking about it 24 hours or digging as deep as I want. Why is this, Is it because I don't have the burning need.
There are sooooo many topics to explore in this world. I like touching upon these topics and then leaving them. Then coming back to the topic when I need it. This way I have the exposure.

I am aware of the different possibilities but I don't want to do it.  Many topics I know but I do not learn because I don't want to right now. When I am cooking, I know I can use ratio but I don't use it. I don't feel the need but I know there is something called ratio and I can go it.

Who said that I need to learn maths now, I can learn when I need it.Whoever said all me learning should be done within a certain age.
Maths is only one area in the hundreds of areas I can work on. just because i am not doing maths or science doesn't mean I am not doing something.

When I do what I like and what I want I feel free and confident. I feel happy.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop
----- Confucius

My Health

Food and Nutrition

Do you Eat to Live or Live to Eat ?

In 4th std I was taught about balance diet. My teacher taught me a lot about food and nutrition. For some reason that lesson has stayed with me. Even thought I know about food and nutrition , I did not bring change in my diet.

 For the past few weeks I have brought out change in my food schedule and diet, thanks to my mother. I am eating more fruits and raw vegetables. My meals are more balanced. 

I am also enjoyed exploring different ingredients, grains and trying new recipes. I even learnt to cook few dishes.The whole experience of understanding food is nice.  I am more aware of the food I am eating and I am liking the taste of healthy food.

In April, 8 months ago I decided to stop drinking Coke and other fizzy soft drinks. This is something my teacher in 4th std had told me to do. I don't know if it is affecting my body, I see no changes in me but I feel nice. I feel good about myself. I am able to control whenever people around me drink and I do not feel pity for myself.

Yoga

I did yoga everyday in the morning this week ( four days). I did it after my parents questioned my lack of physical exercise. I have been exposed to yoga long back and even remember my mother forcing me to do yoga everyday when I was young. It dint last long and I never was able to push my exercise session more few days. I think exercise is very difficult and not at all fun. I am fine without without exercise.

This week I have decided to do Yoga everyday. I am determined and optimistic to keep this exercise plan alive for a long time. Only if I do everyday, I will see changes in my body. 

To do this I changed my way of looking at exercise. I know I am doing it to care for my body and take care of my health. I even enjoyed doing yoga in the morning. While doing it i felt connected to my body. 

Every Tuesday I do fitness training for one hour. It is very fun and enriching. I have learnt a lot about my body and fitness. We do aerobics and I really enjoy doing dance. 

On Tuesday I did fitness training and the next day I woke up with thigh pain. This made me realize my body is not fine without exercise. My body need me to do exercise. Only if i take care I will be fine.